" WHY AI MAN---NEE BOTHA "
ME AND WOR LASS'S HONEYMOON IN LONDON IN 1968
AV GORRA TELL SUMWON HOW IT AAL CAME TE PASS !
( Some artistic licence HAS been taken )
Why, thu nars, the cums a day in ya life when the passion taks ower, an thu finds thusell on bendy knee, poppin thu lethal question ti the gorlfriend, makkin a fool oya sel by offering yer hand in holy matriwedlock. An nee worries abute shotguns, nor nothing, the nars !
Ney lad, theres summit gon really wrong heor and ye just dinna think o the consequences, di ya ! Then she says YES and yer trapped. So ya gans tappy lappy tu the in-lars and ya tells them wot yer dun, and that starts her mutha off having a real bubble. SHE soonds like the pit siren...."Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa-" She gans..."Yer not good enough for wor darlin' dorter, ya little waster !!!"
Ah whye, thars nee tarning back now, cos the lass sayed yis!..We nu gans oot an chooses a ring from a jewla te seal the deal. So ya has te mak the best of it--nee backing out, nee way, ya lumbered.
The weddings planned like the charge iv the light brigade and befor yer nars it, yer in the chorch seeing the vicca and deeing the practice runs...
Not that kind iv runs ya fool.
So the day a' destiny is not that far off and nu the lass sez "so wheres wor ganning for wor honeymoon, dearest sweety, mind we not gannin anywhers on tick !"
Why, ya nars by the way she sez it, (through gritted teeth mind) shiz hangin on me evry word and shell be oppen ti some of me well-thort oot, brainy suggestions. Well, when af wiped away the blood off me mooth, a na by hor reacshun that she wants some SENSIBLE ideas of where te gan to start our married life off. A toor ta tha Dog Tracks of the North was not what she wants and I hev to look forther afield. NAA--Not a field, afield
So it came te pass that while aa wiz at wor local Porcy Main Working Mans Club, seeing me marra drummin for a local group that aa hord the was playing at a big do the next weekend. So me and wor lass gans ti see Colin doing his bit with John, Frankie, Ronnie and Hoss of the "Mystics" at the Supper Rooms in Nucastle not far from the Footy Ground. In the middle iv the evening thers a git big draw and aa wins forst prize !! Why man, its a lang weekend away in London, come just at the reet time ! Wot a great prize which teks the pressure off me wallet a bit and nee mistake !!
So on February 24 1968 the weddin cums and gans like a whippet on sennapods, with Colin as me best man, deeing a grit job, and givin a speech wot maks me cry inta me broon ale.
After getting aal the empty cans, strings, balloons, bog rolls, drunken guests and ribbons off me new Cortina, (me pride an joy) we sez bye ti arl them wots still stannin and we belts doon the road ta London, the wheels hardly touching the tarmac arl the way thor ! Wu gets there late on, and wu signs in the visiterz byuk at the posh Park Court Hotel in Lancasta Gyit, Bayswatter.
Wu gets took up ti the canny sized bedroom and wor cases cum up with us in the lift ! The string hed cum off the carry bag and wes havin a bad time stoppin her claes and underbits fallin ti the floor. Why, no man, can yer believe it, after arl me plans, wu gets a room wi single beds for the forst neet of wor marriage !!! The lacky hads his hand oot for a tip an arl, the cheeky bugga, so ar sez "yu'll gi ya it tomorra when ar gets a crinkly changed or me Yankee (a fower nag multibet) comes up, my man " He minces oot wi a pained look on his fayce an a tear in his glee eyes, and me new wife starts looking a bit hawty by now. The champagne hez worn off by nu and theres a "head" comin, aa can tell !!! Wor BOTH feeling hungry like we throats is cut, so wi gans oot te the local Pizza place te get summit for wor supper Its February ya remember, and she gans an loses her gloves strite after leaving the hotel. So wor hungry, its dark, its cold, and thez the pair o wer grovelling in Bayswater Road looking for a pair a gloves !
Wu fund them eventually and then went for a late (very late !) meal (Why ar cud a had fower meals up north for the price a one doon here !) and then did wot was necessary to mak us proper man and wife as it wor !!! Next morning we has te ruck the uther bed up te mak it look like one of us had slept in it !
For the next few days we went oot to see arl the sights and to tek in the shows. In them days we saw the Max Bygraves Show, and, showing a bit of geordie neck, managed ti gan roond the back o the stage and gerran autograph from him porsonally.---with "Best Wishes to the Newlyweds" on hiz photo ne less !!!! Anuther highlight wez ganning for a whole day ti the Radio Studios in Piccadilly te see a live show ganning oot on the airwaves and thar we met "Dave Dozy Beeky Mick and Titch", Alan Price and them Israelis wot sung "Cinderella,Rockafella"---
Alan Price sung "Dont Stop the Carnival" for us and the DJ towlt arl the live listeners aboot us being heor in London on wor honeymoon.....
WE had a grit lang weekend doon in London seeing the sights and popping into the museums and things. Its a canny place is London the nars, and it was only 6 yors afore we cum doon to live in the south. Thus nee ships on the Tyne nee more. Wu like London, cos I can find my way roond easy...Dinna mock---- an aal tell arl o yer how aa diz it.
Ya nars Heathrow ?
Well when ya in London the jets aalways fly to and from Heathrow so aa can tell direckshuns from that... Arv nivver been lost in London----ivver...
Av been livin doon in the south since 1974 and can still talk proper..
Am told ar slips into the vernacular on occasions, but when we gan north, me kinfolk reckon am getting a real southern accent...
SAD BASTARDS ARL OF THEM.
Doon south the arl sayz "PARTH" and "BARTH"
We nars them as "PATH" and "BATH" !!
Dedicated to the memory of BOBBY THOMPSON
Comedian and Friend from them golden days
My thanks to J for "proof-reading" this section
I have been away from Geordieland rather a long time
VISIT LONDON TOWN
LARN YERSEL GEORDIE |
